Rules for Life

Never assume someone is pregnant. Never ask if someone is pregnant. There is no upside to this. At best, you’re right…good for you. At worst, you just made someone feel absolutely awful.

It takes half as long to do it right the first time than it does to do it again. Slow down, take a breath, and do it right.

Never seek to be famous for the attention or seek out attention to be famous. Instead, commit yourself to something meaningful and valuable so if you garner attention or fame, it will be for the right reasons.

Get a therapist. See them regularly. If you don’t like them or they’re not helping, find a new one.

Each generation of your life has pros and cons, ups and downs, joyful moments and hardships…be mindful that you consciously experience them all, because you never get them back.

Write love letters for all the kinds of love in your life: friends, family, and romantic partners.

If you harm someone, just apologize and learn from it. Don’t defend yourself.

Most hierarchies are bullshit, made up systems, designed and enforced by people desperate to control others, with egos too fragile to be wrong, and without the skills to continually earn their position.

Don’t go into the comments section. If you do, don’t argue with people. If you do argue with people, don’t be surprised when nothing good comes of it.

Without a basis of comparison, you will always find yourself wondering what if. It only sounds romantic to marry your first love or high school sweetheart until you actually think about it. Your brain isn’t even fully formed until 25 so why would you make a decision about the rest of your life before then? There are billions of people in the world, what are the chances your perfect match is in the same math class as you? I’m not saying don’t marry them, I’m saying go gather data and make sure.

As you age, everything costs more, everything hurts more, and most things are harder. Losing weight is definitely more difficult as you age…just remember that.

The more different someone’s life experience is from yours, the more opportunities you have to learn something.

The best way to find your person is to be honest. Be honest about who you are and who you are looking for. When they do that too, you may find one another. But base who you are looking for in what is genuinely important rather than what you desire or fetishize.

A relationship that ends isn’t a failure, it’s a lesson. Make sure to learn it so you don’t repeat it.

It’s hard to gain trust and easy to lose it. When you gain someone’s trust, aggressively protect that.

Don’t talk on speakerphone in public. That shit is annoying and inconsiderate.

Monogamous dating is marriage without jewelry. Be careful about taking yourself off the market unless someone shakes you to your core.

There are plenty of people out there paid to inspire and motivate, but in the end, they’re all doing the same schtick.

In conversations, quality matters far more than quantity. Be brief, be interesting, and then shut up and be interested.

This is true of most things but ESPECIALLY when it comes to your gender and sexuality, no one besides you has an opinion that matters.

Any food you’re willing to try, you should try at least three times. *Try to limit exceptions to this told to allergies and things you’re absolutely disgusted by.*

Always use all your sick days and all your vacation days.

Learn to cook, do laundry, fold your clothes, and make your bed. These are the bare minimums to take care of yourself.

Salads should be dressed and tossed, by default. Always and without exception unless specifically requested for dressing on the side.

If I’ve learned anything from Asian dramas it’s that if you REALLY like someone, the best way to show it is to hold their hand.

Spend more time listening than speaking. When speaking ask more questions. You’ll learn more, people will feel good, and you’ll be able to contribute more effectively.

So long as the tipping charade continues, always tip at least 20%, if you can afford it. Have some class consciousness and help out someone else in the struggle. You don’t have to, but choose to.

Leverage any privilege you have in service of those who do not have the same privileges.

Don’t say anything about someone behind their back that you wouldn’t say to their face. You don’t have to take part in gossip.

If people tell you their boundaries, respect those boundaries. No exceptions.

(Safely) Experiment with psychedelics in your early twenties. It’ll change your life.

Don’t talk negatively about people in front of them like they aren’t there. It’s a double insult.

If your interests, hobbies, or kinks don’t harm someone else or violate anyone’s consent, they are awesome and you should indulge and enjoy them. Anyone who thinks otherwise can go fuck themselves. You do you.

Always use real maple syrup, skip the fake stuff

Before making any big decisions, make sure you’re not hungry or sleepy.

Just as you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, don’t believe everything you think.

Books don’t have rules.

Travel the farthest from home that you can. Take as many trips as you can. Go for the longest vacation you can get away with. The more you see the world, the more it will expand your perspective.

Cops are not your friends. Don’t talk to cops. Ever. That includes FBI, CIA, and ICE. Don’t trust any of them. Don’t say anything at all.

You can’t unsay words, you cannot undo actions. If you value relationships, be mindful of your speech and behavior.

You can’t say I love you to people who are gone, so say it while they’re still here.

Choose Love. Do it as often as you can. It’s amazing what happens when you can learn to choose Love when you’re angry, scared, or judgmental.

Always stand up for what is right. If you’re not sure what that is, look for what is kind, what is equitable, and that exerts the least amount of control over others

Become obsessed with self awareness, no one should know you better than you, good, bad, or indifferent.

Just say “I don’t know.” It’s a lot better than feigning certainty about something presented without evidence, or making something up and declaring it to be true. The point isn’t that all theories and beliefs are false. It’s that it is an objectively more accurate way to go through life to dig in about things based on evidence, than it is to construct a model of reality around things without objective, falsifiable truth.

Don’t worry about any advice given about the “best” or “right” way to do something — that includes this entire list. The better option is to find what works for YOU. It’s your life, you’re the only one that has to live it. For example — and I can’t stress this enough — if you don’t like waking up at 5 AM, don’t wake up at 5 AM, no matter what anyone tells you.